


crying isn't just for the weak

by bubblymeg



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 03:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3676443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblymeg/pseuds/bubblymeg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone would expect Bucky to have breakdowns here and there, after everything he's been through. But when Steve breaks down, Bucky isn't sure how to respond.</p>
            </blockquote>





	crying isn't just for the weak

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by a tumblr prompt. i'm weak stucky trash and wrote this in one sitting, so it's probs a little rushed. whatever. enjoy!

Bucky usually doesn’t sleep.

 

Well, he sleeps, but never for more than a few hours at a time, and even less frequently in a bed. It’s easier to pass out in a chair just for a bit, it’s more comfortable than the floor at least. Steve tries to offer up his bed, but Bucky swears he’s fine. Eventually, a bed may be nice, but he’s still getting used to being able to eat whatever he wants whenever he wants. One step at a time. He’s definitely getting there, but he’d rather take it slow than try to rush and get overwhelmed.

 

Tonight is different though. He didn’t even know if he meant to, but he had wandered into Steve’s room a little past 1 in the morning, and unsurprisingly, Steve was still awake, almost like he was waiting for Bucky. Whenever Bucky thought he remembered something new he liked to tell Steve about it, both to confirm that he wasn’t making it up and also so Steve could fill in any details he missed. No matter how small the memory, Steve’s face always lit up when Bucky came to him.

 

And then.

 

For the first time in a long time, Bucky must have just drifted off into sleep without even realizing. Sure, he had recognized that he was tired, but he didn’t think it was this bad. He was curled up at the foot of the bed, his feet hanging off the end and his left arm tucked underneath him.

 

A second later he sat straight up in bed (it didn’t take more than an instant for him to regain his usual alertness), assessing his surroundings, and quickly realized he had been woken up by quiet sniffling from next to him.

 

Steve was _crying_.

 

Not that Bucky had anything against crying, but ever since he had shown up at Steve’s door four months ago he hadn’t seen Steve break down once. Hell, Bucky had cried a countless number of times. So either Steve was really good at keeping his emotions stable, or he was really good at being secretive.

 

“Steve?” He asked softly, turning to face him a little more. Steve was curled up into himself just like Bucky was a moment ago, knees against his chest as he leaned against the headboard and looked like he was trying really hard to stop the tears running down his face but just couldn’t. He wouldn’t even _look_ at Bucky, and Bucky really hoped he hadn’t said something in his sleep to trigger this kind of reaction.

 

Steve hiccups, burying his face behind his knees and shaking his head a little. “M’ fine,” he mumbles, and Bucky doesn’t buy it for a minute.

 

“Hey, you can tell me. If you want. You know a bunch of embarrassing shit about me already. Can’t be worse than that.”

 

That gets a chuckle out of Steve, which makes Bucky a little less worried. A little.

 

“It’s nothing,” Steve finally says, and he’s crying less now but he hasn’t entirely stopped. “It’s so stupid, m’ probably just sleep deprived or something. I just... You were asleep, and you looked so calm and, I dunno. Like you used to before everything, like all the times you accidentally fell asleep at my place when we were young.  And it just kinda hit me that you’re really here, and you’re gonna be okay. Like, I knew you were gonna be okay, but. Still.” He stopped there, just looking at Bucky with that sad smile Bucky knew he had seen before.

 

Bucky could only stare at him for a moment, but then he made his way to sit right next to Steve and gently reached out to place his right hand on Steve’s knee. He had improved drastically with physical contact recently, so he hardly had to think about it as he rubbed his thumb in small circles over Steve’s pajama bottoms. Steve relaxes a little, taking a deep breath as he reaches up to wipe the tears from his face.

 

“Thanks,” he mumbles, his breathing still a little uneven but better than it was when Bucky woke up.

 

“Of course. It’s the least I can do, seeing as you basically dropped everything for me. More than once. Probably a countless number of times, even if I can’t remember all of them.” He smirked a little, shrugging before continuing. “Besides, you look pathetic when you cry, I had to get it to stop somehow.”

 

Steve laughed louder at that, and he reached out to hold Bucky’s available left hand. It still amazed Bucky how unfazed Steve was by the metal prosthetic, but he wasn’t complaining. He just squeezed back a little, smiling as well.

 

“But seriously, I’m good. And I’m gonna be fine, probably be even better than I am now. You’ve done so much, if you gotta let it all out every once in a while then go for it. God knows I won’t judge you, and I’m probably at least decent at comforting.”

 

Steve nodded, sighing again. “You’re great at it. You’ve always been great at it. I guess I’ve just been so busy ever since you got back trying to make everything better that I hadn’t really thought about myself at all. Which is stupid, I know. But anyway. Thanks.” 

 

Bucky just shrugs, smiling more and trying not to seem flattered. Of all the things he was good at, he wasn't sure emotional support was one of them, or at least hadn't been for a long time. It must have just been a testament to how much his memories have returned, even if he didn't feel like they had. He could tell from Steve's behavior that each day, Bucky acted a little more like himself, and while the progress was slow, it was also steady. And Steve was probably the most patient person Bucky had ever met, so on days when Bucky felt like punching something until only rubble remained, Steve let him, and then was there to listen as Bucky sorted through emotions.

 

Kinda like Bucky was doing now for him.

 

Steve has this look in his eyes that makes Bucky’s heart beat a little quicker in his chest, and Bucky just hopes the room is dark enough that if he’s blushing, Steve won’t notice. Steve frequently looks at Bucky as if he’s his whole world sitting there in front of him, and it’s one thing when Steve thinks Bucky isn’t looking but it’s something entirely different when they’re practically staring into each other’s eyes. They're not speaking, but they both know they don't need to.

 

And yeah, okay. Maybe Bucky remembers more than he’s told Steve. Maybe a lot more. Memories of him pining after Steve for what was probably years, never admitting anything because he was stubborn as hell (still is) and he didn’t want to put Steve in that position. He knows it could have just gotten them both in a lot more trouble than they were already in. He also remembers one night of the war, after Steve had rescued him and they were in a bar and Bucky wanted so bad to just kiss him then, to pull Steve close and not let go, but they had both changed, and Steve hardly had eyes for him anyway.

 

Unlike now, where the only thing Steve seems to want to do is look at Bucky until one of them falls asleep again or... something. Something that scares Bucky but also makes him excited in a way that he only remembers being with Steve.

 

Bucky thinks that maybe change isn’t so bad after all. It got them here, and that’s what really matters.

 

It takes a moment for Bucky to realize that they’re kissing, and he can’t remember who leaned in first or who pulled the other close but they’re practically chest to chest and Bucky thinks that waiting all these years was definitely worth it. He can only wrap his arms tight around Steve, never wanting to let him go now that he has him so close.

 

He does pull back, however, when he feels wetness on his cheeks and realizes Steve is crying again. He’s concerned for a second, but Steve’s beaming like the goddamn sun and Bucky realizes that he’s crying out of happiness. Before he knows it they’re both laughing, arms still wrapped around one another and foreheads pressed together.

 

“I’m assuming we’ve both been waiting for that, then.”

 

Steve nods, pressing a quick kiss to Bucky’s lips before answering. “Yeah. I was willing to wait, you know, until you were ready. However long that took.”

 

“Lucky for you, I’ve got a great memory. Well, I used to, it’s coming back pretty nicely. And it helps that you’re basically in every memory I’ve got.”

 

Steve could only nod again, and reached to lace his fingers with Bucky’s.

 

“Will you sleep here tonight, please? Or if you’re not tired, at least just lay here. I don’t want you to go.”

 

Bucky grins softly, leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to Steve’s forehead. “Nowhere else I wanna be.”

 

They both slept better than they had in almost 70 years.

 

 


End file.
